Well guys, I just realised how I tend to write a blogpost at midnight. Even I don't understand why. I have a lot going on in my head and I just need a place to let it out. I probably should begin this post by saying that BRISBANE IS SO HOT FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS. Again, if you personally know me, you'll know that I'm a polar bear. I'd die in heat. "But you've spent your life in Jakarta, which is one of the hottest city in the world?" some people may ask. No no no, in Jakarta, we travel by cars to indoor, air-conditioned places. We don't experience the heat. This is Brisbane, where I walk anywhere - even if I commute by bus, I still have to face the heat on my way to the bus stop - and not all places are air-conditioned. Brisbane's summer also has this dry feeling, which sometimes makes me suffocated. No, I'm not exaggerating. One random fact: I always have nosebleeds if the weather gets too hot.

Since university terms just started, I have to walk under the Brisbane sun almost everyday, during the peak when the sun is at its hottest. Everyday I would go home and just blast on the air-condition, which was a bad idea. Now I'm very sick, even lifting my head feels like lifting a sumo wrestler. I've had a couple of different medicines, it should work tomorrow. Anyways, I just completed my first week in uni. I was pretty pleased with my awesome schedule, but I was pretty worried about the courses this semester. You see, I'm in the Bachelor of Arts program, and just recently, the school of psychology has this tendency to switch the courses' offerings. There are some courses (mostly advanced courses) that are only offered in one semester, either the 1st or 2nd semester, and they sometimes switch it without any announcement. For local students, that may not be that big of a deal, but to us international students, YES, it is a HUGE thing. I still have another 3 semesters here, however, I really need to be careful in taking the classes, or else I'll have to stay here for another 6 months just to get that particular course, which would be annoying because I could've graduate and find a job or continue getting my Master's degree. 

To discuss about this issue, our student advisor asked us to meet her today, but as I was very sick, I couldn't leave the house and just asked my housemates afterwards. From our discussion, I decided to drop one course (PSYC2050 aka Learning and Cognition) and take it next semester, and add another course that probably would not be offered next year in semester 1 - which would hopefully be my last semester here - which is PSYC3202 aka Industrial Organisational Psychology. I didn't attend the first lecture of PSYC3202 this week so I'll need to catch up soon. As you can probably see now, I'm very serious about my future career (can you see it? Really? Probably not. Oh well...) and I'm also scared of marriage. It's not that I'm scared of commitment, I just fear the thought of getting married. Especially when it comes to the thought of having kids. I've never liked kids in particular, how could I ever have one?? 

Could someone please tell me, is it wrong to choose myself and my career over the one I love? I really don't want to waste my dad's money just to get a degree here and work in Indonesia. I like it overseas. I love living with people from different cultures from around the world. If I have to choose love, this option might be obsolete. Anyways, I've been in a long-distance, long-term relationship, which I just ended today because for days I've been thinking about my career and how this relationship affects my choice in deciding my education and career path. The thing is, this relationship doesn't affect my choice in a good way. To be truthful, I felt really burdened. I felt that every time I decide to do something with my education, I have to think of this relationship and what it will be. So finally I decided to choose my education over my love. It was hard, and I still couldn't stop crying, but I thought it would be best.

I just want to say to you - yes, I know you'll still read my blog posts - that I might've just made the worst mistake in my life, but even if I did, I just want you to prove me wrong and I wish us all the best. Sorry for the depressing post, I really just had to get this out of my chest.