Those drips of burning alcohol,
I took it without hesitation.
Five, six, seven, then I lost count.
My system digests it too well.
I wanted to get drunk.
So it might just be easier for me to dream of you again.

I didn't.

I was vast asleep, only briefly.
No dreams.
No you.
I wanted to see you.
But I woke up in this ungodly hour,
As my playlist was finished.
No dreams.
No you.

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.
But I can only hurt.
It's fucking 4:44 am.
No dreams.
No you.
Just the darkness enveloping myself.
No more alcohol to knock myself out again.
What am I supposed to do to see you again?

I changed positions hesitantly,
Counting endless numbers,
Listening to my lullaby, my ritual to fall asleep,
Yet, I could only see black.
No dreams.
No you.
I wanted to cry, but it wouldn't fall.
I felt like I would take the fall.
Just in case I could probably see you again.
Do I have to jump?
Do I have to hit the concrete pavement to feel your breath on my neck again?

Do you not want to see me again?
Because I'm drunk?
Because I took those shots of Smirnoff?
I did it for you.
I thought it might've been easier for me to fall into my dream.
Are you mad at me for doing so?
Do you not want to see me again?

I'm drunk.
But I couldn't see you, or any dreams at all.
I couldn't even fall back to sleep to save myself.
Why wouldn't you help me?
Do you not want to see me again?
Are you sick of me already?

In the darkness I lied still.
Listening to the lullaby all over again.
With a wish that maybe I could see you tonight.
Just maybe.
So that when I close my eyes, you would be there, reaching out for my hands and smile.
Like you always do.
And in that moment, we are invincible.

Labels: alcohol, broken, depression, dream, heartbreak, heartbroken, love, poem, poetry, sadness

Long hair, loves or has tattoos, and cooking ability.
I wanted a man like that, all my life.
I found him.
I didn't fall for him.

Everyone has their own preference.
I did.
I gave up on mine.
I didn't fall for him.

Now I can't imagine myself with anyone.
Any guy.
Any kind of person.
Who will I end up with?

Will I love him?
Will he love me back?
Will we spend the rest of our lives together?
Will I ever meet him?

In my dreams, I know who I want.
When I woke up, I don't want anyone.
I met someone in my dreams.
He was special.

Every minute of waking up felt like another world for me.
I spend my day wanting to go back to my dreams.
Because I know in my dreams, he's there.
Reaching out his hands for me.

I live my life in my dreams.
I dream more than I wake.
In the infinite world in my dreams, we're together.
We found each other.

I'm certain about my dreams.
Not so certain about my real world.
How long will I have to live this way?

Labels: broken, dream, dreams, heartbreak, heartbroken, him, love, poem, poetry, reality

Love is unexplainable, yet everyone insists that it exists.
Love is untouchable, yet people say it is real.

I'm not talking about a mother's eternal love for her child,
I'm talking about the bond between two human beings as partners.

I don't know how it feels, as simple as that.
I need someone to appear in my life to show me that it is real.

Love makes you all giggly and happy, yet it tears your heart and soul apart at the same time.
...or so they say.

Why would anyone sacrifice themselves for such complex feelings?

Love is different from friendship.
...why do they differ?

Friendship is something that lasts forever, it's something beautiful.
It makes you all giggly and happy, yet it does not tear your heart and soul apart at the same time.

Why would people choose love over friendship?
Why aren't people in love with their friends?

Love is foreign for my logic.
And until the day someone can prove me otherwise, I still can't accept this.

With my logic, I'm a fool who can't understand love.
I'm no better than those fools in love.
I'm no less than those who understand love.

I have a brain that I know how to use properly,
I have a heart, yet I don't know how to utilise it.

I've been looking for someone to help me understand love.
I found none.
If you would help me, that would be much appreciated, my friend.

I know that once I understand love,
I will never let it go.

So teach me how to love,
and I will forever be yours.

Labels: broken, friends, friendship, heartbreak, heartbroken, help, love, poem, poetry

Thin wall of ice,
protecting me like a mother's womb.
Crystal clear, cold but nice,
this place shall be my tomb.

Not as fragile as it seems,
this ice wall,
it does not break, it does not bend,
it stands tall.

Everything is crystal clear,
the world looks the same in my eyes as to others.
Same reality, my dear,
but the differences...no one would bother. 

Is there any escape?

But again...why would I run? This is my sanctuary.

The world that I see disgusts me. 
Plague, corruption, injustice.
I'm safe in my sanctuary.
Free from any sickness, free from getting hurt. 

Behind the ice wall, I still see everything.
But I can't feel anything.

In this disgusting world, I see romance.
I see passion.
I see people getting hurt.
I see people hurting by the name of passion. 

...But why? And how?

Why do people choose to be hurt to feel passion?
Why do people choose to leave their sanctuary?
Inside my ice wall, I think.
Outside this wall, people feel.

No tears can be shed here.
No heart beating can be felt here.
No passion can be shared here.

I don't want to shed any tears,
I can't break my sanctuary, my safe haven.
Trapped inside for so many years,
I began to wonder, have I ever lived outside this haven?

Only warmth can set me free,
teach me passion, teach me romance,
grab my hand and tell me it will be okay,
Will you do it for me?

Labels: broken, heartbreak, heartbroken, hurt, ice, original, passion, poem, poetry, romance, sad